Updated: Aug 22, 2020
I had a birth plan in fact I had a pregnancy announcement plan too but unfortunately both my plans didn’t work out. My pregnancy announcement was stolen from me by a violent incident which caused me to end up in hospital with a hurt rib and this was how I found out I was pregnant. This was the most heart breaking way to find out about your first pregnancy and it crushed all my plans. Falling pregnant was sort of unexpected as I was on the pill, then stopped and then started a new pill. The reason being was that my husband wanted a baby but I wasn’t ready yet, then I decided to do what makes him happy but then again decided to do what I felt was right and through this confusion I fell pregnant. This to me was definitely Gods plan and I wouldn’t change it for the world!
Growing a child inside of you is a hard long process, although a woman’s body is designed to conceive it doesn’t make pregnancy any easier. After finding out I was pregnant the first time physically I had an easy pregnancy, I was healthy and enjoyed the perks of being pregnant which was eating for two and I enjoyed it to such a point that I picked up close to 37kgs during my pregnancy which I assumed would drop the moment I gave birth (naïve me). In the start I didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant, I tried to hide the little bump that was forming as that was a sign that I was putting on weight and at that time I was obsessed with my weight. Thinking about it once I recovered from my PND is that this was one of the contributing factors to me going into PND as I was too harsh on myself in terms of my body.
Through my pregnancy the only hiccup I had was that at 12 weeks I didn’t get the blood test done on time to screen for down syndrome. This was due to a misunderstanding between myself and the OB and I thought I could get it done at my 14-week check-up. I was devastated by this and remember going back to the car and crying my eyeballs out, at this time my husband went back into the OBs surgery and got him to speak to assure me that on the scan everything is fine, fortunately my OB was right. These incidents make me realise that I was an emotional wreck during my pregnancy and I never realised it at that time.
At every check-up I was adamant that I was having normal birth, I prepared myself mentally for it and everything that I bought for my birth was for a natural birth down to my pretty pink sleep shirt with the words “you can do it” written on it and my beautiful matching fluffy gown. I packed my make up because according to me straight after birth I would wear a lovely satin gown and put on my eyeliner. Sadly, at 40 weeks my son did not engage and I was given the option to do an emergency c section the next day or risk my baby’s life by being adamant on normal birth (as told to me by my OB as he had a mum who did the same and the baby didn’t make it). This by no way was the EASY WAY out as I was terrified more than ever to go for an operation having no idea what to expect as I didn’t do any research or planning for the C-section and I had less than 10 hours to prepare for it. This to me was the scariest moment of my life, that turned out to beautiful the moment I held my little boy in my hands.
It was after my C-section that my obsessive behaviour started, first I pushed myself to clean up and look pretty in my satin gown with eyeliner and smelt amazing so that when my visitors I looked good. The next thing was I pushed myself that by 5pm the same day after my operation I started walking, also I didn’t sleep at all because I was under the impression someone will take my baby (although I was in one of the best and safest hospitals in the country). On day three is when all my hormones got completely messed up which meant i was obsessive and over emotional, this is when it all went completely downhill at full speed!
Not being able to give birth naturally was devastating to me, but I would not sacrifice the safety of my child for one second. If I hadn't gotten a C-section when I did I could have harmed my baby So I chose to rather sacrifice my idea of a beautiful normal birth for my child.
This made people’s eyes roll that I got a C-section and at that time I was so obsessed with my child because of my PND that my mind was blank to anything else that it never bothered until I recovered from my PND. It was about three years later that someone close to my family was giving birth and I asked her how she was feeling with the labour pains and her words were that I would never know or experience because I didn’t have a proper birth (she might have said it with or without meaning harm, and it was at the time of her labor, but excuses aside you do not tell another women that) !!!!!! This was told to me just before I found out I was pregnant with my second child and when I did find out I was pregnant again it was a an amazing moment as I had been trying for a year to fall pregnant and had many false alarms thinking I was pregnant but then got my period so when I went for a blood test and got a positive result I was the happiest ever and having a special pregnancy announcement didn’t even bother me (shows how we upset ourselves over small things that don’t even matter). However, the words of this person rang in my ears all the time and I was adamant again to have natural but also feared it. Until my husband told me why would I want to put myself through a whole different experience because of what one person told me and take the risk of rupturing my stiches and endangering both our lives, rather the devil I know than the devil I don’t. My second C-section went well with the OB cutting on the my same old scar but boy the pain I felt after was excruciating, I couldn’t even open my eyes. This time around I was prepared and happy with my c-section. On the 1st day after the op I couldn’t keep my eyes open, the nurses put my little one on me to breast feed and I was so out of it that they had to hold her as well. I also used the 3 Days in hospital to get some rest and left my baby in the nursery instead of being obsessive and watching over like a maniac with no sleep. The second time around I was more prepared and didn’t have any plans which I could cry over if it didn’t materialise.
I am really so tired of people being so judgemental when they hear that someone either chose or had to get a C-section. Giving birth is a beautiful experience that should not be muddied by other people's biases. Vaginal or C-section you still birthed an entire human being, its just different ways of taking that little precious person out!!!! At the end of the day our children's safety and health should be our foremost responsibility and pleasure.
I am proud to say that I have delivered two beautiful, healthy babies via C-section and no one's negative remarks can take that away!